He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
