Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
