i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Congratulations! We have a period
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