i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
