he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
