She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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