I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
