Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
