His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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