she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
