My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
