I wanna bring you to show and tell
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
