God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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