OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
