My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
