just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
