so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
