So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
nutella sex= disaster
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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