So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
