I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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