He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
there is glitter all over my balls
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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