Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
