I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
