I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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