Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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