I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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