Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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