It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
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