I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
