i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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