She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
