capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
