yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
fuck your aforementioned shoe
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
