drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize