I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
someone owes me an orgasm
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
