i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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