I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
