I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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