do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
barbara walters just said penis...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
