Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
