we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
