you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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