So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
