She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
