see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
