it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Randomize
