Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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