dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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