its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
