the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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