So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
