Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
