Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
