Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
True college students do jello shots in the library
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