I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
