I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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