Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
