We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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