i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
