when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Sober January is a disaster.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
