Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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