I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
