I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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