I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
