My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
