it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
