I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just gift wrapped bread.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
