sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
