I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
