We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
