how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
