Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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