i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
