i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
