we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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